Real Housewives of Palm Springs
Real Housewives of Palm Springs
I did it. I finally was cast in the TV show that I have watched for years. I feel like I have manifested it. I watched it so much that I actually made it happen. I feel so accomplished, I was in a Real World situation. I’ve done this several times in the past year. Sis-in-law trip, College roommate trip, My bridesmaid trip and now my work friend trip. All of those trips were a lot of fun, but this one was very different, because I was really outside of my comfort group. Yes, I would be with women that I didn’t know and overnight, there would be money and feelings involved and on top of that they would all be white. In this timing where we are switching from Obama to Trump, this is a lot for me. I’m definitely outside of my comfort zone. And I stood my own.
I have been working on me, on my inside and my outside, integrating myself. And presenting my best self to the world. I love it, I love me and like me. I know my quirks and i respect them. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I did it.
I have an idea of the woman that God created me to be and I’m working on living up and growing up to the crown that he has for me and I’m doing it all for his glory. I’m going to give my best shot to the world and walk around in my glory.
I may not be all the way there, yet but I know I am trying and I am so much better and farther than I was before and I’m enjoying it.
All of those bikini challenges was not in vain, All of the self help books were not in vain, all of the church and choir was not in vain and all the work that I have done and jobs were not in vain.
I am me and I am enough, I belong wherever I am.
The things that surprised me where the places where i held back or had held back, Where I was ashamed to show that world what I thought was important and valued. LOL, femaleness, makeup, clothes, i promised to myself to bring my best and I did and I wore it. WE had a photoshoot on Saturday and it was a blast, we took pictures and drank and changed clothes and make up and it was glorious. I had brought my make up and ended up sharing it with the other women.
I’m all good. I have things I’m working on and I am working on them, I’m not giving up. I have to be me all the way.
Learning how to balance it all is the trick you are all you and how to integrate yourself is a triumph, because it is truly a challenge.
I had my outfits together, i was humble, but I let them all know. And I tried my best to love on other people and found boundaries that worked for me. I learned a lot about me.
About my jealousy, my insecurities, my ego, My desire to be seen and my desire to hide. As i grow my world to a universe. I have to made sure, that my planet is in order and that I am loving on me.
My favorite part of the trip was the last day in the pool floating with with my friend and listening to her tell me about her trip with her guy and being so happy for her. Actually happy to just hear her voice to be a part of it — at all. To be included. I was happy with me so I could experience her and just hold space for her. I was floating in a beautiful pool, listening to Bob Marley on sunny Palm Spring Sunday. With my girl, LOL I actually always thought she was older than me bc she’s so mature — NOT LOL but I’m older than her, but we are both Caps. And I have learned so much from her and I was joyful in the relationship because I didn’t have any expectation on it and was able to be present always. Mostly Every Time I saw my friend for her benchmark B-Day I was very present and tried not to be wrapped up in my own -ish.
I ran with girl, she was the first woman that I knew who ran, and she told me that I was one of the few friends that challenged her when she ran. She loves me and thinks I’m great, I want to be more of the person that she thinks that I am. She tells me hard stuff and I don’t pester her. I might more know, because, I like the me I am when I’m with her.
I think that is the truth. I know that I loved and I love back unburdened, when I can truly love myself.
These women relationships are trick for me and I’m not special, I see that they are tricky for everyone.
I have to love me, all of me all of my pieces and respect the sacred work those pieces have played in making me the person that I am.
I bring me, with me wherever I go so if I’m not cool with me, I will never be good wherever I am.
I have to be a person that I would like to be with. Working on my anxiety, my ego, my emotions, pulling all the parts of me back to me. Curating myself. Loving me, fully gives me the benefit to go farther, stronger with more joy, peace, wisdom and love.
I’m grateful that I was invited to thee Birthday Shenanigan and it was a great ending to my 40th year of Shenanigan’s. I did it. It was on my list of things to accomplish this 40th year of life and all I can do is give GOD the glory for what she has allowed to me to see, experience and accomplish this year.
