Tupac Theology

Hold on… let me break it down for you, so that it will forever and perpetually be broke. I don’t normally do resolutions; I saw on IG that intentions are an option and I’m taking it. My intention for 2022 is to let my inner 2Pac flag fly free. I was watching the new Matrix with the atom family (just us three) and at a pivotal point in the 4th installment, of one of my favorite franchises, I yelled “Fuck Them Kids” to the screen. You have to watch it yourself to see why. My thirteen-year-old son was aghast. For a lot of reasons, but prolly namely it was that he doesn’t know that version of me… yet. My husband wasn’t as shocked, because that was the version of me that he met at a club a little-long ways back. I’ve always loved Trinity, the Oracle, Niobe and Sati; and they are my stars in the original film triplex. Another star (dark as she maybe) is the Merovingian’s wife, Persephone — I had to look her name up — she was and is dat bish. In her white latex dress, she is a stark juxtaposition to Trin clad always in her all-black latex cat suit. I told my son, my theory — “You are Jude. I am Trinity. Your dad is Neo.” But to myself I thought — I might be Persephone. Yes, like Samuel Jackson said, “I dabble in the deep.” Watch the movie and it will make more sense…to some of you and not all.

I love Greek mythology, and for you who don’t know, Persephone was the daughter of Demeter, the goddess of nature and though kidnapped by Hades, was his wife. She also was the goddess of fertility and her and her husband’s story was used to explain the changing of seasons. She is known to be pre-Greek and in the Latin her moniker means “to shoot forward/creep forth” — mainly to grow. She was the Queen of the Underworld, and to save humanity and bring back the sun, agreed to spend 2/3rds of the year with her mother the goddess Demeter and a third with her husband. More on this later.

You have a hard time of it walking through the world with in your Tupac, but hell it must be filled with joy — unabashedly joyful. Immabout to find out. If you are lucky (read blessed) you have others who aren’t afraid to bump their 2Pac loudly and remind you, of you. And that one of these kids is doing their own thang, one of these kids is one in the same. Insecure has told us that without friendship/soulmates you don’t have much, even if you have it all.

I was chatting with one such friend and she helped to me remember. I’m Tupac, and in a family of Biggie’s, I stand out. There is a GIF that captures my psyche perfectly. It’s Afeni Shakur, Voletta Wallace and Will Smith in the center. Yes, take it in. Find it and watch it on repeat, Dassme.

It was not missed on me that Trinity’s name in Matrix was Tiffany, as was the character on Insecure — played by Amanda Seales. Who is thee most not-Tiffany person I can think of. I have a theory that Amanda Seales, not her character — Tiffany, is to ‘Insecure’ as Samantha Jones, and maybe the actress Kim Cattrall, is to ‘Sex in the City’. Not all Tiffany’s are the same or lame, my girl T. Haddish teaches us that dudes are just mad ‘because their coochies’ fell out’. I always think of men’s nipples — when they are getting too out of control — as they are their vestigial limbs of deformed womanhood. That fact calms me. The world would try to convince you that men came first. Male nipples confirmed that that is a lie. Being a woman in a man’s world is crazy as hell. Betty White said it best — that while the world is obsessed with balls, vaginas are the ish — RIP.

I woke up with a B-side cut from Bill Withers playing in my mind. ‘Heartbreak Road,’ yesterday it was his ‘Make a Smile for Me.’ We all know ‘Grandma’s Hands’ — well the most of us that matter do. I was listening to the ‘Live at Carnegie Hall’ version of that classic and he told a story that I hadn’t heard of before but I knew instantly as truth. That his grandmother took him to church and to paraphrase, it wasn’t the kind that made you just want to hurry up and die and get it over with, but one that looked towards joy and reveled in it, with tambourines and triangles. “If you wanna to help me Jesus, it’s alright”

Looking for the light is the assignment and finding the joy is understanding the work, the world will have you caught up in the dark — resist. I love GIFs, yes, I’m that person. Notice when you type in Tupac that the ones that show up are so joyful, so gleefully menacing, and defiant. I love it and them. Insert evil giggle here.

In a chat with my Gayle-friend this morning, (We take turns being Oprah as needed) we uncovered that while “I’m Tupac,” I’m pretending to be Will Smith. She coined the phrase “Will-face” and that shit has stuck. No disrespect to Will, I love him, I just listened to his new book ‘WILL’ and what I meant was — that he taught me that my people pleaser mode is “Will-face.” But Tupac’s whisperings have ratcheted it up to a banshee yell as of late. Because 2PAC ain’t tryna to please nobody but Tupac. She astutely summarized, “You just want to be that Nigga that you can’t contain.” Friends like this are rare, get you one and be one. Then she added, “So you are lying to everyone. You secretly wanna ‘get around’ but you want us to believe you are ‘jiggy wit’ it’.” Silver and Gold people, Silver and MF’n Gold. Platinum even. Mariah Carey Diamond levels.

You can only contain that kinda spirit for so long maybe for 2/3rds of your life for some or maybe just a third of your life for others. Will also told me about Jada finding the ‘La Loba’ story in herself through fronting her punk rock band ‘Wicked Wisdom’. Get your life and watch her ‘Bleed All Over Me” video. Maybe it’s time to find the bones, singing to the bones until the wolf is brought back from death — to her life. God, the Divine feminine, singing to the bones of humanity to resurrect them for the third of the agreed upon time — for the Trinity.

Uncannily the 4th Matrix is aptly called Resurrections (plural) we (I) will need that often. I read somewhere or heard that the price of freedom is continual revolution. I think it is “bailing your Tupac out.” Gwendolyn Brooks uncovered this in her works ‘The Anniad’ and ‘In the Mecca’ by casting Black women in the hero roles to tell yet again this timeless tale. I’ll be on my proverbial trampoline (thank you Amanda, Tiffany could never) reading and living this bildungsroman (hero’s journey) and ‘Iliad’ surpassing works including the tome “Gwendolyn Brooks’ Racialization of the Persephone and Demeter Myth in “The Anniad” and “In the Mecca” by Tracey L. Walters. In this man’s world spend at least 2/3 in your goddess mode or your world will crumble.

So, Oshun (2Pac/Persphone) it is, and yes, I’m still Yemaya (Biggie/Demeter) and keeping it all together by sheer Will. I ain’t mad at cha — I stay vacillating between Mary McLeod Bethune and Beyonce. I am both, we all are — men too. “Are you Yemeya? Oh no, you’ve got to be Oshun.” Darius Lovehall knew it to be true and now you do too.

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